Adam hits the stupid button..........and crashes

It's day three of the Doug and Adam ride all of California trip. Turns out I'm in awful shape and it's making Adam kind of grumpy. Adam's mood is directly correlated to his heart rate and apparently I haven't been riding fast enough to get his heart rate up. In his defense I'm riding really slow, almost embarrassingly so.

We're currently squatting at a buddies house in San Luis Obispo, which is a richer warmer version of Missoula that has traded skiing for surfing............this place rocks. Mountain biking along the coast of California has been quite a treat. Santa Cruz offers butter soft single track with large hips and stunts integrated into the trail, while San Luis is more exposed and rocky; think 100 Mt. Jumbo's in every direction, all lush and green, and you'll get the idea.

Today we met with a British fellow who offered to show us some local trail. The top of our first climb left us with two options: 1) Go down the fire road we had just climbed or 2) Blast down some super hair ball rocky single track/erosion path to the fire road below. Of course only a fool would descend the fire road so we pointed the ridgid 29ers down the sketchy path and held on. About half way down I started to lose control and hit a rock all cattywhompis, sending me into the brush. Not two seconds later Adam comes blazing by me, bouncing around like a rag doll. Anyone who knows Adam knows he can climb like a homesick angle. Unfortunately his descending prowess is akin to molasses in the freezer. To say I was surprised would be an understatement and as I watched him get close to the fire road all I could think is either he just got really really good at descending or he's completely out of control. As the last three feet of trail dropped straight vertical to the road it became apparent the latter was true. It's an awful sight to see someone go from 25mph to 0 in two feet, and watching it happen on a road full of football sized boulders only heightened the experience. Adam hit the road with such force that it cracked his helmet in two and made mince meet of his left arm and hip. I'm really surprised he got up and that neither he nor his bike suffered any catastrophic injuries. This is a warning to all of you out there, even the most calculated careful people a.k.a Adam Jensen, can be influenced by the primitive subconscious powers of the stupid button and fling themselves down a rocky slope for no apparent reason. There is no explanation for a man who normally descends in total control to suddenly try some Wade Simmons shit down a trail no ridged bike has any right to be on, let alone at the foolish speeds he was hitting. It just goes to show the stupid things men will do if given a goofy contraption (bike) and a steep hill. Personally, I'm kind of glad he fell because now he's really sore and has something other than my slow ascending to complain about.

Doug Dale

Timmy Tuck Under

Often I hear a term I'm not familier with and have to look it up on Urban Dictionary. I heard this on the streets of Santa Cruz today

Timmy Tuck Under

A recommended way to deal with a NARB (no apparent reason boner) that won't go away. Tuck your hard on up under your belt and tighten down. If you don't have a belt, tighten your draw string. The NARB is most prevelant during a male's middleschool years. DO NOT USE this method if you aren't wearing a shirt......use the larry lash down instead.

Ex. Little Jimmy got a narb in geometry class and had to perform a covert timmy tuck under so his classmates wouldn't see.

West Coast Goofery

I've been completely absent from the blog for no good reason. I take that back, i've been too busy skiing and surfing. Since the last installment of foolishness a lot has happened. Currently we are getting pounded into the ocean floor by waves too gnarly for novice goofs like us to be dicking around on, but oh well. Our accommodations consist of squatting in a friends back yard in Santa Cruz, CA. I picked up a mangy spring break traveler by the name of Ben Ruffatto complete with 20 stitches in his hamstring from a recent fall down some cliffs at bridger bowl. Funny story about those stitches; I had a bad sunburn yesterday and what else does the dingbat do but slap my back as hard as he could. In a rage of furry I retaliated with a roundhouse kick to his leg. He keeled over howling in pain and I realized I nailed him square in the stitches. Five minutes later he realized that if a swift kick in the leg couldn't open up the wound then he must be good to surf. I should start kicking people in their stitches more often.

Current injury report

Matt Johns: Fell biking home drunk from the bars last night decked out in st. patties green. Landed on his shoulder and head and thinks he may have a broken collar bone.
Treatment: Took a bunch of pain killers and tried to surf. Made it worse

Doug Dale: Reinjured a dormant shoulder injury having a snowball fight with some kids at Mt. Rose. A combination of surfing and beach volleyball has exasterbated it to the point where I can't paddle the board very well or spike the volleyball.
Treatment: I'll worry about it when I get back to missoula

Weasel: Sore from being a pussy.
Treatment: Nutting up

Ben Ruffatto: Twenty some stitches from a nasty fall at bridger bowl.
Treatment: Neosporin and a lot of surfing and beach volleyball. Good chance they will open up before the end of the trip

The end of our roadtrip adventure is near and it will be nice to be settled in Missoula for a bit. It looks like matty ice (i think that's his new name) is dominating the TTTT..........what a gnarly human specimen/lady magnet. I hope the team doesn't prematurely ejaculate and burn out by MTB season. We skied squaw last weekend and it was seventy degrees and sunny. The lovely Terry's made the trip from Missoula and we spent half the day skiing sketchy slush and the other half drinking corona's on the patio.......it was really fun.

Other stupid news

Matt Johns got bored one day and built a life sized naked woman out of snow on the porch of the rental property; he continues to be a constant liability.

A bear got into the cab of our truck and rummaged around. The sheriff had to get the shotgun out to scare it away. It didn't do any damage. Matt was headed out the door to beat it with a snow shovel but we warned him against such tom foolery.

Gabe Karenza is with the team and it's just a matter of time before he does something stupid.

I'm meeting up with Adam Jensen next week and he will make me ride five hours a day until I can't turn over one more pedal. He thinks shit like that is fun.

Tore my right binding out of my ski at full speed, still not sure how. Later that night I won a rock paper scissors contest at the bar and won a new snowboard........wtf?

Weasel got his first vericose vein and freaked out. I have some too. We think they're from sitting too much in the truck but really we have no clue. I don't like them one bit.

I could go on and on but I want a nap. I'll have pics soon.

Doug Dale and Crew